I'm a professional!

Interesting thing happened this weekend. First leg of the CC Cup semi-final, and referee Nigel Boniface kicked out the Coventry announcer. Apparently - and I wasn't there - he'd been sarcastically reading out the penalties.

Now, if that happened to me during a game, if I was kicked out by the ref, I'd probably quit the job. Out of shame.

My point of view is simple - something I say should never, ever affect the game. Its a little known fact that theoretically, I can cost the Phoenix an untold number of bench minors. (If a ref asks me to leave the booth for any reason what so ever, I must do so. To not do so would be a 2 minute minor. Which can continue, again theoretically, up to and including the forfeiture of a match.) I can, have and will get in trouble with management if something happens around the game (sponsor reads done wrong or something like that) but I can't afford to affect the happenings on the ice.

The announcers job is schizophrenic. You've got a certain list of things that have to be done from an official point of view. Goals, penalties, etc etc. Then you've got certain things that have to be done from a club point of view - reads of 50/50, upcoming games, MOM, etc. And finally you've got the "gee-up" role. The tricky thing is to balance all three, without letting one take over.

The "game" part of the job is the one where you have to be totally professional, to the point of being unemotional. Each penalty must be read clearly and slowly, and even when the crowd cheer the "plus a 10 minute misconduct" you can't afford to react to it. One thing I have noticed, by the way, is that the officials seem to have a feel for the announcements as well - how many times have you seen me end a read and the puck get dropped. I don't know if it is deliberate, but I'm impressed if it is.

Then you have the "show", the music, the presentations, the silly dancing, the revving up of the crowd. A couple of times this season we have been in the situation where the Phoenix have won a thriller, and the entertainment crew have been down because of things going wrong, and vice versa.

The aforementioned balancing act is a tricky one. At Ice Sheffield, I was getting heckled by a Panthers fan for the simple reason that I wasn't doing the "any noise for the Panthers?" thing. Originally I did, thinking I had to be fair and balanced. But actually, as Andy C pointed out, I don't have to do that at all. It is merely a courtesy, and to be honest not one I'm particularly keen on anyway. Its not my job to get the opposition fans going. And how many times have you heard the announcer extend that courtesy but in a really sarcastic manner or hardly at all? ("Anynoiseforthemumblemumbleand ANY NOISE FOR THE HOME TEAM!") Thats worse than not doing it at all, in my opinion. Screw that, either do it properly, or don't do it at all.

Said Panthers fan was getting more and more het up, eventually pulling the old "its a league rule" on me. Which is, of course, absolute bollocks. So she would shout at me, I'd give it the old "Come on Faithful, make noise for the Phoenix", grin at her, rinse and repeat as she got more and more wound up.

Which is where the balancing act comes in - because in the heat of the moment, it is very easy to let that emotion get the better of you and forget that you have a job to do. Imagine you are giving a bit of back and forth (maybe a sarcastic wave for instance) and a penalty gets called. In such a situation, you have to come from an emotional, revved up high and instantly slam down to an placid, professional calm.

(Which is usually Richard leaning over and going "Leave it Mike, she's not werf it.")

Then back up for the interval stuff. Not sure wandering around in the crowd worked this Sunday. I certainly over complicated it. But we're a bit stuck, as everyone is worrying about the condition of the ice at Deeside, so we're looking at moving things away from the ice surface. Shoot the Puck is over and done with in two minutes, but I'm not building an atmosphere between the fans. I think I will sit down and write some scripts. Work it out a bit more.

Don't let anyone tell you different - a large part of doing the announcers job is attention seeking, and I'm blatantly guilty of that. That is why its hard part is sometimes trying to suppress that part while people are pushing you into a crowd with a mic. At the moment, I worry about all the things that could go wrong, and I think I need to spend time planning much, much more. *shrugs* However, not a single person has paid money to see me, or Richard. Thats the key and that is the mistake that announcers have made in the past - it isn't about them.

Anyway, I suppose the key word I'm grasping desperately for is is "professional". Despite all outward appearances to the contrary, Richard, Fishcake and I are professional. I subscribe to the Les Dawson school of thought, "to look this bad, you've got to be pretty good". Which means while outwardly we're bobbing Santa Hats to a bit of Rammstein, but the the music is being cut at the right moment. The sponsors reads and jingles are being played.

And we're not being kicked out because we're getting the game and the show mixed up.